There Is A Weight On My Heart That Is Older Than I Am

by Cat Food

supported by
Alex Weiss
Alex Weiss thumbnail
Alex Weiss These lyrics are filled with truth, realization, and regret which hit home, making it a cathartic listen. This album is an open and honest collection of thoughts surrounding one's own self-worth and depression, with the vocals adding another dimension of raw emotion. All in all, there is something really special about this artist. Favorite track: You Came (From The Ocean).
poubelle fille
poubelle fille thumbnail
poubelle fille Though I connected with the whole album, I could not help but find myself emotionally attached to this song because this is really how I felt when I came to terms with myself about wanting to live life. Favorite track: Life Isn’t Over If You Want To Live (Stop The Car, I Want To Live).
kennedy c
kennedy c thumbnail
kennedy c mason is a musical genius. he knows how to convey emotions through his voice like no other.
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credits

released October 9, 2014

This album was written, performed, recorded, mixed, mastered and cried on by Cat Food.

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Track Name: Being With Her - Note To Self: Delay Suicide
Just like that
You’re next to me
And your eyes are ecstasy
When you see how I feel

Just like that
She’s holding me
And her eyes look over me
And now I
Can feel (Can feel)

It’s being with her in the city
It’s being with her in the car
It’s being with her when she needs me
Where ever we are
It’s being with her in the city
It’s being with her on the coast
It’s being with her when she needs me
When she needs me the most

Just like that
You’re close to me
And we float and fall asleep
And the the world is a rose
You’re so colorful

It’s being with her in the city
It’s being with her in the car
It’s being with her when she needs me (needs me)
Where ever we are
It’s being with her in the city
It’s being with her on the coast
It’s being with her when she needs me (needs me)
When she needs me the most

You always come
Then you always go
And I’ll be floating down your hall
You always come
Then you always go
I’ll be floating down your wall, crying

It’s being with her in the city (Crying)
It’s being with her in the car
It’s being with her when she needs me
Where ever we are (Being with her)
It’s being with her in the city (Crying)
It’s being with her on the coast
It’s being with her when she needs me (need me)
When she needs me
And do you need me?
Track Name: You Came (From The Ocean)
Talking to Charlie: “C’mere Pooka”
*Charlie purring*

Well you came from the ocean into my apartment
And when you walked on the carpet, it stained
And you laid by my bookcase and looked up at my face
And I could tell that you were in pain

So I started thinking
I started thinking, oh
I started thinking
I started thinking, oh

Well you sing the same songs that I sing, but when you do
You make them sound so great
Well you sing the same songs that I sing but when you do
You make them sound so fake

So I started thinking
I started thinking, oh
I started thinking
I fucking hate myself
I started thinking, oh

And
Why are we
So fucking rude to ourselves?
When I wouldn’t like this shit from anyone else
In twenty three years of mostly hating myself
Is long
Enough
It’s fuckin long enough

I know, I’ve had enough
I know It’s long enough
I know I’ve had enough
And so,

I’ll love me
I’ll love me
For once in my life, you know
I’ll love me
I’ll love me
For once I’m gonna try

Well you came from the ocean
Into my apartment and
I could tell that
Something had changed
Track Name: The First Love Is The Worst Love And You Shouldn’t Feel Bad About Feeling Bad
I still remember how you felt
And I
Remember how your house smelled
And, remember how you shook when you would touch me?

And I’m remember your couch
And how
We used to hang out
And now
How nobody around will even touch me

But she’s got love
Cuz she still beautiful
She’s got love
And I am so alone
She’s got love
(And) she is stronger than me
She’s got love
And I just can’t believe

That the first love is the worst love, yeah
Cuz the first love is the worst love
And I’ve been trying to get myself out

Myself out
Myself out
Myself out

And I’m sorry for the way that I acted at your place
And I’ve been trying to erase the things I’ve done
But I can’t erase them

I’m sorry for the way
That I made you feel each day
Of the second year we dated
And now
I can’t take them down
I can’t take them down
I can’t take them down
I can’t take them down

But she’s got love
Cuz she’s so beautiful
(And) she’s got love
I am so alone
She’s got love
Cuz she is stronger than me
She’s got love

I still can’t believe
That the first love
Is the worst love
Yeah
Cuz the first love is the worst love
(And) I’ve been trying to dig
Myself out
Myself out
Myself out
Myself out
Myself out

“I would like everyone to know, that I found a bunch of pills, and I put them all in my mouth and I swallowed them”
Track Name: Some Guys Just Wanna Know What’s Under Your Clothes, I Just Wanna Know What’s In Your Medicine Cabinet (Ashamed)
Depression hits like a wave
It’s coming down
Like night comes on the day
I feel it take away my pain

And now I feel nothing
Now I feel nothing
Everything feels the same
Everything feels this way

Depression hits like a truck
It’s coming in, but I don’t give a fuck
I feel it even when we touch

And now I feel nothing
Now I feel nothing
Everything feels the same
Everything feels this way
And I am ashamed of all my pain

I am ashamed
And I am all my pain
I am ashamed
And I am so afraid
When the clock turns to midnight, oh no
Still haven’t done
I Still haven’t done a thing
And for that, I am ashamed
To be wasting away with all of my
All my pain
I am ashamed

And I am ashamed
Track Name: Pouring Alcohol On My Broken Heart: A Poorly Written Love Poem
Drinking,
All the days just get boring
Just moves the pain from night until morning
Think of all the words you could say to make me feel like shit
I bet I’ve heard it

We go walking into the forest
Play each other’s hands just like organs
Touch until we open the doors inside our head
And our cheeks turn red

You make me forget all of the bad shit
And you put the good back into my skull
Whenever I look directly at you
I feel home

It’s hard to forget all of the bad shit, you know?
I’m not always positive
But you make me feel like I’m alive
Make me want to live

So where will I go?
Where will I go?
When I need you to fuck me slow
I need you to love me and let me
Let me know

I need you to love me and let me, let me know
(I need you to love me and let me, let me know)
I need you to love me and let me, let me know
I need you to love me and let me, let me know
I need you to love me and let me, let me know

I need you to love me and let me
Let me know
Track Name: Life Isn’t Over If You Want To Live (Stop The Car, I Want To Live)
I awoke in the cold and I can see that I’m happy
Just to taste and to touch and to breathe
I am so grateful
I am so grateful
Cuz now I know

Life isn’t always gonna be the best
(But) It’s worth it
Just for the little bit of good moments
Like this:

When you wake up when you thought you would die
You go to bed
Crying
Every night
Every night

When you wake up and you thought you were dying
You go to bed crying
Every night, all the time

Stop the car and let me out
I am tired and broken down
But I’ve decided that I want to live
Stop the car and let me out
I might be tired and broken down
But, I’m regretting taking all of the poison
On purpose

And now I want to live
With purpose

So take a little bit of my pain
Away
Take a little bit of my pain away
Pain away I wanna stay

Take a little bit of my pain
Away
Take a little bit of my pain away
Pain away I wanna say:

I’m so sorry
For everything
I’m so sorry, for everything
I’m so sorry
For everything
I’m so sorry
For everything, I’m so sorry

I awoke, alone
But I can breathe
That’s more than I could ever need
I awoke all alone
But I can breathe
And that’s more than I could ever need
I awoke all alone
But I can breathe
And that’s more than I could ever need
I awoke all alone
But I can breathe
And that’s more than I could ever need

I’m alive
I’m alive
I’m alive
I’m alive
I’m alone
But I’m alive
That’s more more than I could ever need

I’m alone
But I’m alive
And that’s more more than I could ever need
I’m alone, but I’m alive
And that’s more more than I could ever need
I’m alone
But I’m alive
Track Name: Carry Me
Carry me
Carry me with the weight on your shoulders
And then bury me
Bury me in your arms

It’s very mean
It’s very mean the way you talk with your shoulders
I’m not listening
You’re not letting me speak my heart

It gets dark
You’re always gone
It gets dark
You’re always gone

Carry me
Carry me with the weight on your shoulders
And then bury me
Bury me in your arms

It’s very mean
It’s very mean the way you talk with your shoulders
I’m not listening
You’re letting me speak my heart

It gets dark
You’re always gone
It gets dark
You’re always gone
It gets dark
You’re always gone
It gets dark
You’re always gone!
Always gone
Always, always, always, always gone
You’re always gone
Always, always gone
I know that you’re gone
I know
I know that you’re gone, girl
Oh, gone

Did you carry me with you?
Cuz it feels like a part of me left when you did
Oh did
Did you carry me with you?

Did you carry me with you?
It feels like a part of me is gone and
Did you take me with you?

There’s a war, there’s a war
There’s a war in my head
And it will not stop until one side is dead
But who will win?

There’s a war, there’s a war
There’s a war in my head
And it will not stop until one side is dead
But who will win?

So come on maybe you won’t hate me
Come on, come on
Maybe you won’t hate me this time
You won’t hate me
Come on baby
You won’t hate me this time
Come on baby

I know what you’re saying
Even though there are no words
And it’s just thoughts and looks
But I heard
I still heard what you’re saying to me
So come on, come on baby!

You won’t hate me!
You won’t hate me this time
You won’t hate me!
Come on, take me, take me, take me!
Come on baby
You won’t hate me
Come on baby
Come on baby
Come on, come on, baby
Track Name: I Don’t Like To Be Alone For So Long (I’m Depressed, Please Be Nice To Me Part 1)
Sometimes I think about you
For so long I end up just laying in bed all day

Sometimes I think about you
For so long I end up just laying in bed
(And) I won’t do anything

But I’d rather think about you
Than get up for work or take pills or something

I would go to parties, but I don’t really like parties
I just like you, oh
Would you please just come over into my room?
Cuz I don’t really like parties
I just like you, I know
Would you please just come back into my room?
And we won’t do anything
Together

I guess this really isn’t about you
I’m just depressed as all fuck but that’s just me

It’s why I can’t eat
It’s why I can’t sleep
t’s why I just eat
It’s why I just sleep
t’s why I can’t drink
It’s why I can’t think
t’s why I just drink and overthink

It’s why I can’t eat
It’s why I can’t sleep
It’s why I just eat
It’s why I just sleep
t’s why I can’t drink
It’s why I can’t think
It’s why I just drink and overthink everything

You know I leave you so many messages
Do you read them?
Or do you just hit delete?

D-e-p-r-e-s-s-e-d
I’m down
D-e-p-r-e-s-s-e-d
I’m down
D-e-p-r-e-s-s-e-d
I’m down
D-e-p-r-e-s-s-e-d
I’m down

“You ever notice how like being alone really sucks and it’s depressing but you have to pretend like you don’t care”
Track Name: I Have Got Two Cats
It’s hurts a little bit in different ways
Every single day
And I don’t wanna be
The one that’s always stuck inside your dreams

I need you next to me and in my arms
Kiss me on my teeth
And show me everything that you are and that I could be
And I won’t leave

Always, always
Always

It’s just a little pain, but it takes all of my energy
And I’ve been trying all these different ways to make myself happy
But I won’t be

Always
Always
Always, always
Always, always
Always, always

I know
Everyone loves you
I have got two cats
I know
Everyone wants you, but I have got two cats
I know
Everyone loves you
I have got two cats
I have got two
I have got two cats
I have got two!
(I have got two cats)

Beautiful, handsome and lovely, lovely cats
And they are my best friends
Best, best, best, best friends

Always, always
Always
Always

Always, always
Always, always
I have, I have
I have got two cats
I have, I have
I have got two cats

“Yeah! Haha! Tuna! Charlie!”
Track Name: Weekends Don't Mean Anything
I can make it through the weekdays, if I try
If I try, If I
I can make it through the weekend in my mind
In my mind
If I cry, over you
Cry over you

I can make it through the weekdays if I try
If I try, If I
I can make it through the weekend in my mind
In my mind
If I cry over you
Cry over you
Cry over you
Cry over you

It was a bad date, I know
It was the best day I’ve had in so long
Oh just let me know if you still think
(About me)
Just let me know if you even remember me
Track Name: The Second You Show Interest In Someone Is The Same Second They Lose Interest In You (Do You Still Love Me?)
Do you still
Do you still love me?
And did you ever?
Do you still think of me?
Ever?
You better

Why would I wanna know?
Why would I wanna know?
I feel like it’s only gonna hurt me
If you don’t
So why would I wanna know?
Why would I wanna know?
Cuz if the truth is that you don’t
You don’t have to tell me

Do you still, do you still love me?
And did you ever?
Do you still think of me, and did you ever?
Ever?

Why would I wanna know?
Why would I wanna know?
Because if the truth is that you don’t, you don’t have to tell me.
Track Name: I Still Make Food How You Like It Even Though You’re Not Here (I’m Depressed, Please Be Nice To Me Pt. Two)
(Laughing)
*Tuna is playing with a plastic bag*
“Are you fucking kidding? Can’tchu see that I’m trying to make beautiful music here? Heyyy… Oh alright, chu walkin away? Ok. Alright”
*Tuna frolics away*

I wanna be perfect
I wanna be perfect, for you
I want you to like me
I want to go back into your room
And we could lay there
And you’d offer me wine
But this time I won’t drink it
So I can keep my head right

You’d ask me to sleep there
And I’d wonder when you got so
When you got so nice

Yeah that would be nice
That would be nice
That would be nice
Yeah, that would be nice
That would be nice
That would be nice
Yeah, that would be nice
That would be cool
That would be nice
Yeah, that would be nice

Be nice to me

I wanna be perfect
I wanna be perfect, for me
I want me to like me
And not fall onto my knees
After I eat,
Would you offer me wine?
Cuz this time I’ll drink it,
But I will keep my head right

You’ll ask me to sleep there,
and I’ll wonder when you got so,
when you got so nice

Yeah that would be nice (Ooh)
That would be nice
That would be nice
Yeah, that would be nice (Ooh)
That would be nice
That would be nice
Yeah, that would be nice (Ooh)
That would be cool
That would be nice
Yeah, that would be nice (Ooh)
That would be nice
That would be nice
Yeah, that would be nice (Ooh)

Be nice to me please
(But you’re not fucking nice)
Track Name: Sundown, Let Down
You know it’s sad
That I thought
That what we had
Was real

Do you know it hurts me
Looking back on everything about you
But I do

And all I want now
Is for the sun to stay down
These days are way too long
Now that you’re not around

Could you hear me throwing up in the bathroom?
Good.
You know it’s always been about you
You know it has
And I miss you
Sometimes
I miss you

But oh

And all I want now
Is for the sun to stay down
These days are way too long
Now that you’re not around, around

You let me
Down
You let me
Down

And we stayed up late
And I would kiss you on your face
And I would do all of the things you wanted me to

But now I won’t eat
I won’t eat again
I won’t eat
I can’t eat again
So I won’t eat
Again
Without you

But all I want now
Is for the sun to stay down
These days are way too long
Now that you’re around
Around

You let me down
You let me down
You let me down
You let me down
Track Name: Tell Me Honestly
I was waiting so long
Every night got so long
And every line was so wrong
I’d write for you

And I just wanna get someone right
Cuz what’s the length in these nights
If i was waiting my whole life for you?
It’s true,

I was in love
I was in love
With you
And I knew that
I’m cold
So tell me when you’re comin home
Cuz I don’t wanna be alone
I don’t wanna be alone

It’s starting up again, I know
The way I’ve always been so
Worried mean and alone
I

And I just wanna find someone right
Heard “1979” and told you what had been on mind since I met you

Well I knew
That I was in love with you
But now I know
That I’m cold
And I know you’re not com in home
I know you’re not comin home
I know you’re not coming home

Tell me honestly
That I’ll always be
Everything that you need
But I’m not what you need
I’ll tall you every day
That I’ll always stay
Until you need
Someone better than me

Do you know I’ve been
Do you know I’ve been
I’ve been wanting it
Well I’ve been

Do you know I’ve been
Do you know I’ve been
I’ve been wanting
Well I’ve been

Do you know I’ve been
Do you know I’ve been
I’ve been wanting it
Is that why you’re not giving it?

You know I’ve been
You know
I’ve been wanting you

Tell me honestly (honest, honestly)
That I’ll always be
Everything that you need (honest, honestly)
When I’m not what you need
I’ll tall you every day (honest, honestly)
That I’ll always stay
Until you need (honest, honestly)
Someone better than me

I was in love (I was)
I was in love (in love)
With you

But now I’m all (alone)
And I’m cold (alone)
So tell me when you’re comin home (alone)
Cuz I don’t wanna be alone (alone)
I don’t wanna be alone (alone, alone)

Alone (I was in love)
Alone (with you)
And alone (and I knew)